Neil & Chee Lim
For you
July 2, 2009And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
He said…
June 24, 2009“Babe, please don’t leave. Babe, please don’t leave me. You can’t leave me. What am I gonna do? Babe, please don’t leave. please babe please”
“Babe, you’re NOT GOING ANYWHERE. You’re going home for 12 days. Packing 80 kilos of things to ship back is silly. So stop packing because you will be unpacking soon.”
“Time is slowly taking you away from me”
“Babe, please don’t leave…… you are not leaving.”
A much needed update!
June 21, 2009Hmph, I think I have been so happy living in my fantasy joyous world and mind provoking thoughts that I haven’t even had the chance to pen down memory lane…
1. Oasis was brilliant only separated from Hoi but it was okay. Resulting into walking back to town via Cheetham Hill and flagged a taxi down mid-way. Was covered in piss and beer LOL once in a lifetime experience!
2. Was out with the girls partying before Oasis and it clearly wasn’t something I enjoyed at all. Dread going out with Claire actually cause she stays in Venus which I absolutely hate.
3. Then pulled a sickie and got my US Visa (WAHOO!) =) Worth all the “sickie” as I got in and out of the embassy within 40 minutes of a genius record time!
4. Then busy busy busy… decided to pack up and go home within 6 weeks. Told Neil, he was more of a mess than I could ever imagine.
5. Packed Packed Packed.
6. Celebrated my birthday in style this year… with Rach, Tash, Rob, Ed, Zara, Vinny and Jan at Linen 235, then the Casino and some moolah dancing in Revolution! Loved it and merry it was.
7. Sat, went for lunch with Zara at Pitcher and Piano, walked down Deansgate with her, got some tapes for my boxes, shopped a little with her… detoured to pick Neil’s jacket up and off for the BBQ with the Malaysians! BBQ was awefuckingsome. A parade tour on the canal boat
8. Sat night, a memorable birthday night. Neil made the effort. came in green shirt, clad in his Armani suit pants (which I picked), a card and a bottle of wine. Sweet ey? Dinner booked for Ithica, posh and nice and hands in hands more drinks. Was an amazing amazing night!
Okay, i’m tired and cranky gonna sleep.
I woke up…
May 30, 2009with a heartburn, deprive of sleep and depressed.
Then I had everything in the world to do from changing hotels, to changing appointment to booking train tickets etc. What a manic day!
Lucky day – managed to obtain an earlier appointment with the US Embassy, got my tickets, changed my hotel for Brazil, rang my mom, cried to her and got her to comfort me asking me to go home earlier than I should and then headed out for lunch – sunbathed and got every thing else sorted
And I am bloody knackered.
I have a lot in my mind that was repeating like a tape recorder – but I let it off my chest yesterday and I feel utterly better now. I will stop chasing it and stop thinking and let go.
Because letting go is the beauty of love.
something or what it is like called
May 26, 2009Insomnia…
This is certainly NOT FUNNY especially when you need to work the next day!!!!! I went to bed at 1030 got up at 230 and now 430 and i cant sleep ARGH. Kust took some Clarityne in hopes to fall asleep again. I knew this was gonna happen. Can’t find my Nytol last night as I knew I needed them..
I am depressed. I am not happy and my mind is constantly running and thinking .. this has been going on for ages. Sleepless nights.
My mind is constantly working, worrying about unnecessary things, wishing for fairytale ending. I am pathetic and revolting and disgusting and I hate myself for this.
Pullbears and Paddington
May 23, 2009“These days I’ve been feeling that life has been too short – I watch people around me dying, people that they love – only young. My colleague’s boyfriend just passed away hit by a van when he went out to buy his lunch. The van forgot to pull the handbrakes up and it rolled down, hit him and he died cause of the injury sustained.
Then my other colleague’s niece died as well who is only 6 months old.
I was playing a game that I thought I’ll be the master but I am now fucking my own feelings up. I was ignoring Neil’s calls for 5 days, avoiding him, taking different routes to work etc just don’t want to bump into him and it worked. It worked. I found out that he couldn’t function without me, he misses me and he loves me. Unfortunately every game has its own consequences, it backfired. After having to spend Friday night with him and a bit of Sat morning, Neil asked me if i wanna be back with him and I brushed it off by saying “let’s not talk about it”, moments later, i text him and said ” you asked me if I wanna be back with you?… yes I do. Do you? Would you if I decided to stay on?”
And I mean it. I am fickle. I cannot decide what i really want to do in life. I wanna go home because I know it will do me good BUT I wanna be with Neil. I was talking to May, somehow it seems like only she understands how I feel because she was clinging on to Jay for so long.
You can accept all of his flaws, his weird habits, his annoying self etc. And when I mean Neil is annoying he is fucking annoying. Ie, he loves saying things on repeat, say if he got it in his mind a sentence he will go on a whole day saying that sentence mid conversation. For example he can go on saying “don’t PISS ME OFF LAR!” in proper kuailo try to be Malaysian accent every few minutes and he like playfully hit me whilst he says it or when I am talking serious bout work etc, he will suddenly just shout “DONT PISS ME OFF LAR!”. Or when I am at work, he will email/text me “don’t piss me off lar” like 5 times a day. LOL.
His other habits include bipolarness his mood changes when he is hyper (ie, he will suddenly say NOLAR out of the blue or FUCK OFF LAR), calling me middle of the night and you would think Englishmen have the best mannerism, meet Neil Smith he puts us Malaysians first class without a wink. He farts on the dining table, in bed, burps whenever he wants, does all the most disgusting things LOL. Even he said, he only does all these with me and he was never even this extreme with any of his ex gfs or anyone else. He is very comfortable with me to the extend that I can be pee-ing and he can be brushing his teeth or I can be shitting and he wants to come into the toilet to talk to me.”
Fact.
May 21, 2009I sometimes surprise myself – the fact that I can overcome so many things in life and yet I can be so loyal to one inhumane person, the fact that I live in a fantasy world, the fact that I advise all of my friends to never let a person take you for granted, and yet I am myself eating my own words, being a hypocrite and going down that road.
Outline the demon.
Of tulips and grass
May 21, 2009The Nature. Never did I know how to appreciate the nature that much before.
I basically spent the entire day outdoors from brunch to tea to even dinner – all outdoors. An appreciation of nature day.wtf. Having spent the half the day at Keukenhof before they close for the rest of the year, well scheduled just before they close on 21st of May.
Most of the tulips already died or opened up. Only certain coloured tulips remained open. However, coincidentally due to the last few days of the opening of the garden – they have a lily exhibition which was quite a detriment to Zwen’s boots and coat and also Tim’s beige linen. Lily’s pollen are well known for its mischief – permanently staining clothes.
Nonetheless it was a lovely, lovely day. From camwhoring to eating the Dutch fat ass steak which was mega utterly uberly yummylicious… right down to the night of more camwhoring and i took some grass which i now can say i officially hate the feeling, the taste and the awful hangover effect the next time. I was literally stoned. LOL – I can finally saw the cow ate grass.
Surprisingly a country of legal drugs – they actually banned magic mushrooms now!
Amsterdam oh amsterdam!
