That very little phobic
July 12, 2008People asked me why am I not interested to date again or see anybody or even remotely want to get to know anyone new at the moment to which I answered I am just not interested.
How true that is and how far that goes, I am not sure. But I am definitely certain that I am so extremely scared and scarred that I dare not, in ANY way let anybody penetrate and come in through my own little world now, even my housemate, or other friends.
I spoke to Pak Seng and I told him because
1. I am scared to meet people, and I hate the entire ‘get-to-know-you’ process.
2. I have certain expectations and criterias which a guy have to meet these days, and well they are so high that Paks told me ‘you are describing Neil’ wtf.
3. I am scared to trust people and let people love me and care for me because all I can think is how they can hurt me in return.
4. I don’t like to show a guy my bare face as it will be like fucking Halloween everyday then!
Sigh, I want to write Neil a long fat email. I want him to ring me tonight to tell me he wants to come back to mine. But I know it won’t materialise.
If you don’t want to continue tormenting yourself, don’t write that email. Eventually, time will run its course and you’ll have moved on.
Anyway there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to meet ppl or date. I think it’s a good thing to take a step back and evaluate things.
Personally, I’ve been told that my expectations are very high as well. But that’s because I’ve been through all the crap that I just don’t want to compromise or deal with shit anymore.