Solemn

When I asked Neil out for a meal and he didn’t reply, I was honestly bothered about it. Very bothered actually. I text him on Saturday night when I was slightly happy, to get it out of my mind.

Today, it bothered me again. And yet I cannot say anything but bereave it within myself. I hate how I am not being able to control my emotions now out of the blue – after being able to attain it for months. When I asked him how many girls did he pull, and he said as many as you did – I was upset, because I knew he did. And I knew he checked on my Facebook because he remembered the guy that I took pictures with in Oxford. He knew Desmond. But I didn’t.

I’m really upset. I’m really sad again. After all these months of being happy, I finally feel vulnerable, for things in which I shouldn’t.

And when I thought I got over him, the feelings came back.

I got caught in between

Mark will be coming. Neil will be coming back from Vegas. It’s Han’s birthday and Mel has been calling.

Confused about Neil. Neil came to my apartment and banged right on the door when I was in Ibiza, when he was thoroughly drunk – waking the entire household up, scaring the wits out of them. Ah well. He left me too in limbo. Silly me!

And somehow, I am sometimes going through moments which I want I believe to be them ones whereby I sit and think and reminisce about my two year relationship with Han. LOL after 7 months of not thinking, and somehow, hoped that everything that happened one year ago is just all a dream – to be wiped off and start afresh and anew. to not lose my job and wished I was still doing my CA - But is that possible? I guess I’m missing the prestige more than anything.

I am now suddenly swamped with unnecessary relationship problem. LOL.

Let’s take a break and set free. Because I need a little breather.

How?

I wish i can tell people what I really want. and what i REALLY REALLY want.

I’m not running in circles i’m just confused – I don’t know where to go and what to do. Really.

For the better words

It is one of those melancholic nights on my own, my stomach raging with anger, churning profusely, and the constant spasm is killing me.

The month of September signify a remarkable month – almost always. Because it is his birthday, and the day we met on the Magic Bus 3 years ago, the month in which I started work, met new friends, and a whole new year.

I am feeling absolutely weak. I need someone to hug me and hold me. I need someone to give me the assurance. I have not been feeling this vulnerable for a while. The thoughts of Neil is swimming in my head. The thoughts of the pain is wringing in my pain. Crusting pain.

And I shall describe no more.

The commons of British

With high expectations from the words of mouth and the reknown publicity of Ibiza, I jetted off the the Belearic Island, hoping that what may be different of me wanting to make my holiday of.

And, it was well dominated by English youngster – just like Corfu. The night life was amazing – the clubs were similar to those ones at home, and yet something was missing. I was expecting crystal clear blue ocean – clean beaches but much to my amazement, the ocean was not that quite clear, and the beach was polluted with seaweed, twigs and unnecessary random things. Nonetheless, it’s not as quite bad.

And in my life – the most beautiful beach I’ve seen is probably Paleokatrista in Corfu.

I wouldn’t say this is my best holiday, but it was a much needed one! I’m looking forward to a second one in November. Hopefully, if all falls down well, i’m more than happy to go forward that way.

He finally finished his exams, and as predicted, he text – to harass me in some ways but I know because he missed me.

Funny enough, how I always took life for granted, and only whinged about it and never noticed how beautiful it can be. After enduring 6 months with anticipation and anxiety, I’m finally happy, relaxed and worry/stress-free. I have no qualms whatsoever, I have nothing to worry about – I wouldn’t say I love my job, but I’m happy as it is the people are nice and friendly and that is more than enough. =) Relationships – I am honestly happy to be single.

Sometimes, when life goes too fast, take a little breather and look around you, you’ll only find the beauty and not the ugly.

And now, I hope to take my little breather and put a halt to my yet overdue exciting life!