i wanna cry, laugh and scream altogether

i used to wake up and want to go to work because I get money and commission, because of my breaks and lunches and most importantly because of all the great people surrounding me or even at EY (minus all of them) it was challenging and somewhat different everyday.

Now I fucking go slave myself to work for survival. Because it is fucking credit crunch – I need to pay my rent, my bills, my card, my food – nevermind the shopping or even the drinking. Just to fucking survive. Cibai.

Then, i get into this “i-have-no-fucking-idea-what-situation-i-am-in” mode. Magehai. With all these nonsensical relationship problem and a great housemate with zero consideration, and my zero tolerance too.

Really absolutely kukujiao.

I don’t even wanna be happy – that’s like achieving nirvana, I just want to be not upset and be fucking normal..

The stress from work – from perfecting my pitch to booking appointments to my flipping boss stop wagging her tail on my face to worrying about people around me. I am a nut head, a stress ball.

I saw Neil yesterday after texting him first lar. I know I shouldn’t but fuck it lar, I cannot go on living a life like this. I cannot go on not knowing what the fuck I am drinking, smoking and not eating. I want to be normal, to be fucking human and healthy.

I am so angry, so so tired.