On my own

I’ve never realised that being single is actually one of the best thing that could happen to me. Not only I am getting all the space to myself, I am also at the same time able to enjoy my life and love every inch of it – getting to know myself better

I am no longer craving for the ‘just-to-be-in-a-relationship’ mode. In fact, I want to walk down the road on my own and enjoy it totally.

I have the audacity to do anything I want without any restrictions whatsoever. I am allowed to smoke, to drink, to space out, to have fun and to flirt without anyone constantly at my ear. I don’t have to make unnecessarily sacrifices and I don’t have to compromise to anyone.

Most importantly, I’ve found myself and spend these months getting to know me.

3 months and still counting. I’m extremely happy

Yours truly.

ps-i don’t even remember when was the last time I was single-single.

Speed of Sound

After what seemed like thirty minutes of tossing and turning in my lilac bed-spread covered bed, curled beneath my green-polka-dotty-stripey duvent, hugging my pillow and my bolster, my eyes lid were heavy, however so, my little mind did not seem to agree.

The gushing of the sounds outside, i switched my laptop on, with a small bag of Doritos.

I am a little hungry.

My tattoo is getting better. It flaked. I’m considering my second one soon. Real real soon.

Whilst at work, they were circulating emails around for Christmas – wow. Time flies. It’s mid-August now. Come September in two weeks. Those fateful months last year. Wow. Then, it’ll be autumn, and winter – Christmas and New Year and gone before I know it – it’ll probably be home time.

I am very much skeptical about my decision to pack and leave. Not only I am salivating over the money factor, also, I always seem to know that I will be back with him – I will somehow. It’s not a good thought for I am tying myself to something so unrealistic and probably that might never work out and say if I do see him come September, I will stay for him.

My predicament are almost always right. But I am heading no where. Still. I stop luring and dreaming about a big fat happy wedding – somehow I feel that I won’t get married anymore at all.

My life seem so surreal but I am just yet enough and contented.

The bitter sweet mind.

I’m so tired.

I need to take up reading as a hobby again.

Overflow with thoughts and self discovery again.

Am I a too strong for a Gemini?

Home or not?

The rain before summer

I feel contented. Not happy but just contented.

For the fact that I had fun at Ning’s last night. For the fact that I speak to May and Seng on a regular basis. For the fact that I am going to my 3rd round interview with ntl:Telewest. For the fact Mark calls to check on me on a regular basis. For the fact that Jaki asked me for dinner. For the fact that J text me to ask if I got home safely. For the fact I know, all the people who rang on my birthday. For the fact that Yeen kept asking me to go home. For the fact that I am smiling a little again.

Issit happiness? I’d say I am contented.

I skipped along the way home last night, I smiled at the summer wind caressing my face, I looked around the familiar path at 11.45pm, knowing that there are people out there who thinks and cares for me.

Some friends are superficial, in fact most I’d say, but I’m thankful enough for those blessings rendered upon me:- for all the people giving me strength throughout these harsh forceful demeaning months. And I am contented.

Enough to sustain for a while.

But really, I just want to go home.

Beautiful sunshine

The blooming spring flowers, the wet summer wind, the long lasting summer day, and mine was yet plain and nothing exciting.

I trailed my footsteps, and asked around panting after those kind people around the lovely Cheadle neighbourhood. I travelled an hour to work today and an hour forth.

After much thoughts and hesitation, I have decided to stay here at least until the end of the year – to work my big fat ass off, I have a temporary position now, five days a week and they pay quite well BUT i have to take a train, walk and reach, got myself a night job at a restaurant too.

I realise I cannot write when i’m feeling indifferent. My stories are not quite yet.

At least I am happy for now.

The unsaid words

My small little mind is clouded.

The unsaid words, the painful memories and the pondering thoughts all crammed in my tiny brain, suffocated. If given a choice, I would do things differently and strive unceasingly for the success that I used to have.

My job, Neil and ICAS.

When I once had them all.

A little note

I cringed and cried hearing all the beautiful notes we used to share.

The songs sing in my ear, the words whisper, the memories run.