I woke up…

with a heartburn, deprive of sleep and depressed.

Then I had everything in the world to do from changing hotels, to changing appointment to booking train tickets etc. What a manic day!

Lucky day – managed to obtain an earlier appointment with the US Embassy, got my tickets, changed my hotel for Brazil, rang my mom, cried to her and got her to comfort me asking me to go home earlier than I should and then headed out for lunch – sunbathed and got every thing else sorted

And I am bloody knackered.

I have a lot in my mind that was repeating like a tape recorder – but I let it off my chest yesterday and I feel utterly better now. I will stop chasing it and stop thinking and let go.

Because letting go is the beauty of love.

Angels and Demons

What a good film. Better than I expected. Maybe because of all the bad reviews or maybe because I didn’t expect anything or read the book and therefore I am not disappointed.

I had a very gloomy day. I just didn’t feel like myself. At all.

It’s like the demon has successfully taken over my body. Let me think rubbish and now I feel even more rubbish. Rubbish.

Cos of him lar. Ish

my broken DVD player

So my laptop fell on the floor like 3 times and now I cannot even open the DVD player LOLz. I am the champion.

And my laptop is only 1 year old and 2 months and it is already half malfunctioning.

I feel shit. My head is messed up more than anything.. and i need to slap myself awake so that I can go back to sleep.

ARGH!

I don’t understand why I have so much to complain and rant about life. Not to say I am not happy or fucking depress but sometimes those minority really irate me and agitate me so much until I bengang gila babi!

Okay, so you are allowed to attend conferences – whereby you get to meet loads of potential clients/leads – in which you can call them and book appointments – in a way making your life slightly easier a few days not needing to worry about cold calling. So you bash out, hammer the day get as many name cards as possible thinking that it will all go into your fucking pool that probably work is not so bad after all… but only to fucking cibai mother ge hai expect….

THAT ALL THE FUCKING FORTY FUCKING ONE NAME CARDS YOU OBTAINED GO INTO THOSE MAGECIBAI TEAM LEADER’S POOL.

So THEY GET ALL THE GRADE ONE CONFERENCE LEADS from BDEs (Business Development Executives) in turn each BDE gets at LEAST at LEAST OKAY – 15 each, there are TEN FUCKING BDEs so COUNT LAR HOW MANY FUCKING LEADS??!!

So both the team leaders get all the leads lar. All the damn good leads which some are obtained by me. And they also get those gila babi good Leads from BDEs and themselves. THEN, they also get incoming queries in which we absolutely get nothing for.

So there. Life is fucking unfair. If you do well – you get nothing. If you do shit – you get a good bollocking.

Fuck off lar cibai.

Welcome to my media world

What a dramatic day at work!!!… and just when I thought I was progressing well at my work, at a steady stream of doing well, I dipped right below zero degrees and another tiff between my manager and I. (again!)

Often I feel that she is breathing down my neck – wagging her damn tail in front of me. I mean I appreciate the fact that she is trying to help me but at the same time I cannot help but feel that she is picking on me. I took a 5 minute breather yesterday and she said “Why haven’t you picked the phone up? What have  you been doing for 5 minutes?”

Wow. Just when I got the grasp – I lost it all. I don’t want to come across as a girl with an attitude problem that has to be pulled to the boardroom every single month (Thank goodness it’s once a month at this rate!) – and I do want to tolerate and be resilient but I honestly find it hard especially when there was a hard feeling right at the start.

I just want to go home. I really do.

Tuesday thirty first.

I took a slow stroll back home today compared to my usual fast pace and quick steps… however today, I took my time and glided home. I looked around me and i looked at my own reflection as I walked past mirrors, thinking.

I am so tired. I am so tired of struggling and coping.

Maybe it is right you need to fall down so hard before you start climbing up and that is exactly what I am doing -  I am allowing myself to fall down.

myself to myself

WONGCHEELIM WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Stop binge drinking because you have stomach ulcer, stop smoking because it’s not fucking cool and you know it, stop stressing out over unnecessary stress.

Really, tonight my ulcer reacted partly because i’ve been binge drinking my weekend away, partly because I drank on an empty stomach. It’s not funny because whilst I was curled in bed so drunk, I couldn’t move, couldn’t call anybody and there was nobody to call.

I need to stop having wishful thinking. If i can not call Neil for 10 days, I’m pretty damn sure I can do anything else. I need to stop jeopardising my own health, need to think for myself and live a healthy life style.. because at the end of the day, it’s only yourself and your family that will be there for you.

So, it’s only A BREAK UP why handle it this badly when YOU HAVE INDEED GONE THROUGH WORSE??!! WAKE UP WONGCHEELIM GET GOING!!! =)

The commons of British

With high expectations from the words of mouth and the reknown publicity of Ibiza, I jetted off the the Belearic Island, hoping that what may be different of me wanting to make my holiday of.

And, it was well dominated by English youngster – just like Corfu. The night life was amazing – the clubs were similar to those ones at home, and yet something was missing. I was expecting crystal clear blue ocean – clean beaches but much to my amazement, the ocean was not that quite clear, and the beach was polluted with seaweed, twigs and unnecessary random things. Nonetheless, it’s not as quite bad.

And in my life – the most beautiful beach I’ve seen is probably Paleokatrista in Corfu.

I wouldn’t say this is my best holiday, but it was a much needed one! I’m looking forward to a second one in November. Hopefully, if all falls down well, i’m more than happy to go forward that way.

He finally finished his exams, and as predicted, he text – to harass me in some ways but I know because he missed me.

Funny enough, how I always took life for granted, and only whinged about it and never noticed how beautiful it can be. After enduring 6 months with anticipation and anxiety, I’m finally happy, relaxed and worry/stress-free. I have no qualms whatsoever, I have nothing to worry about – I wouldn’t say I love my job, but I’m happy as it is the people are nice and friendly and that is more than enough. =) Relationships – I am honestly happy to be single.

Sometimes, when life goes too fast, take a little breather and look around you, you’ll only find the beauty and not the ugly.

And now, I hope to take my little breather and put a halt to my yet overdue exciting life!

Credit crunch.

OMG i did something really really extraordinarily stupid yesterday and I don’t even want to mention it.

Went out last night and saw some of my old EY colleagues and one asked about Neil and I. It’s extremely mega fucking awkward seeing my old colleagues again. I am really chasing for the prestige of the name. Few days before, I was on the phone with some friends and they told me how even PwC is retrenching people in TS (the department which I worked for previously in EY) and Mei Yen told me how EY is cutting cost and cutting incentives and people onwards from Executive levels – is getting a minimal pay rise.

Is the credit crunch so bad that it has been affecting the economy in such a way, that so I heard Bankers from London are so affected, big Investment Banks are going down hill. Following the recent buy-out if Bear Sterns, triggered the economy more.

BP marked an increase of profit and a profit of £450 PER FUCKING SECOND and there you go, the fuel prices going jacking up – and apparently BP employees used to get free lunches and now they even have to pay for it.  Wow impressive – cars, fuel, road tax, insurance…

It is clearly seen that the cost of living is increasing, there is inflation – and yet the disposable income is still the same. I am fucking paying tax on Basic Rate which is a fucking rip off I want to cry.

Yet people like me, still spending money like water. I fucking need to cut down too.

The economy and its states – Malaysia and the fucking political drama. Oh my fucking Lord, which country should I go?

babe

the fact that one week ago you were here hugging me to sleep, kissing me good morning, brushing teeth with me.

that i was at 42nds and everything was just about you, me and us.

im tired and my leg is breaking yet i couldn’t sleep thus i went out.

i am seriously damn not interested in any tom dick or harry.

i want to be with u just you you and you.

for now i know, how much you meant to me, and nothing else mattered.