“These days I’ve been feeling that life has been too short – I watch people around me dying, people that they love – only young. My colleague’s boyfriend just passed away hit by a van when he went out to buy his lunch. The van forgot to pull the handbrakes up and it rolled down, hit him and he died cause of the injury sustained.
Then my other colleague’s niece died as well who is only 6 months old.
I was playing a game that I thought I’ll be the master but I am now fucking my own feelings up. I was ignoring Neil’s calls for 5 days, avoiding him, taking different routes to work etc just don’t want to bump into him and it worked. It worked. I found out that he couldn’t function without me, he misses me and he loves me. Unfortunately every game has its own consequences, it backfired. After having to spend Friday night with him and a bit of Sat morning, Neil asked me if i wanna be back with him and I brushed it off by saying “let’s not talk about it”, moments later, i text him and said ” you asked me if I wanna be back with you?… yes I do. Do you? Would you if I decided to stay on?”
And I mean it. I am fickle. I cannot decide what i really want to do in life. I wanna go home because I know it will do me good BUT I wanna be with Neil. I was talking to May, somehow it seems like only she understands how I feel because she was clinging on to Jay for so long.
You can accept all of his flaws, his weird habits, his annoying self etc. And when I mean Neil is annoying he is fucking annoying. Ie, he loves saying things on repeat, say if he got it in his mind a sentence he will go on a whole day saying that sentence mid conversation. For example he can go on saying “don’t PISS ME OFF LAR!” in proper kuailo try to be Malaysian accent every few minutes and he like playfully hit me whilst he says it or when I am talking serious bout work etc, he will suddenly just shout “DONT PISS ME OFF LAR!”. Or when I am at work, he will email/text me “don’t piss me off lar” like 5 times a day. LOL.
His other habits include bipolarness his mood changes when he is hyper (ie, he will suddenly say NOLAR out of the blue or FUCK OFF LAR), calling me middle of the night and you would think Englishmen have the best mannerism, meet Neil Smith he puts us Malaysians first class without a wink. He farts on the dining table, in bed, burps whenever he wants, does all the most disgusting things LOL. Even he said, he only does all these with me and he was never even this extreme with any of his ex gfs or anyone else. He is very comfortable with me to the extend that I can be pee-ing and he can be brushing his teeth or I can be shitting and he wants to come into the toilet to talk to me.”
